To those of you who follow a monothesitic tradition (Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, Zorastrians, Christian Secs, Muslims, and so forth), I urge you to put down your arms and watch a man eating a banana. If you can't agree on WHO made you and WHY you were made in the first place, at least in watching a man eat a banana you have evidence that we are at least direct decendents of monkeys who also enjoy eating bananas.
I'm thinking about all of this now as I eat Brett's fruit salad (there is nothing to read into here, and yes, we do shave our legs), and wishing there was maybe just a few little bits of banana here and there. I'm also thinking about why my farts smell so unbelievably bad right now (I'm sitting outside on a patio and birds are LITERALLY dropping dead out of the trees around me). I have reached only one conclusion - that man was not meant to consume nothing but barbequed ribs for 3 straight days. Man should probably consume a lot more fruit salad. When you think about it, when a lion eats a cute little lamby, that little lamby takes about 7 seconds to pass from stomach to anus. A lion has like... 3 feet of intestinal track. Because he eats RAW MEAT for a living. People, on the other hand, have about 189 feet of intestine, and it takes food somewhere around 2 days to go from teeth to toilet. Eat more fruit salad, so your insides aren't stuffed full of rotting, fetid flesh. Eat more bananas, because yes, you are in fact a son of a monkey. And no amount of pork spareribs will ever make you a lion.
These are just a few deep thoughts about long-winded farts.